How many loaves do you have?

Some friends are getting together a devotional book for families who are adopting- which is a FANTASTIC idea! Why are there so few books on this subject? I dont know. Anyway, thought I would share my contribution to the book in hopes that it might help anyone else who is currently adopting or just shares in my struggles.

“How many loaves do you have?”

While we have a beautiful 3-year-old biological daughter, our quest for a second child sent us through a year and a half of infertility treatments before we answered the call to adoption.

During our infertility battle (maybe “war” would be a better term), we were consumed with doctor’s visits, pills, shots, exams, tests, procedures…things that we could control- in hopes of getting those two pink lines at the end of the month. Now we are finding that our adoption wait is quite the opposite. There’s not one thing we can do to control the outcome. No magic pill or shot will make this one easier.

Even though we are already parents, I still struggle with feelings of inadequacy when it comes to adoption. Will I be a good mother to this child? Will the birth mom feel comfortable placing the child with us? Will I love this child as much as my biological child? Will I be able to answer the questions this child will have?

When Jesus and the disciples saw the multitudes coming, I’m sure they had some concerns, too. Yet, he didn’t wait until the disciples had fished enough or gleaned enough food for everybody. He said “how many loaves do you have?” Bring me what you already have. I’ll make it spectacular.

Two things from this passage have helped me considerably during the wait for our child. The first is giving God what I already have: My time, my willingness to serve, and my heart. Getting involved in ministries at my church has settled my anxious hands and brought joy to my impatient heart.

Secondly, I remember to be thankful. When Jesus took what little food the disciples had, he gave thanks before breaking the bread.

We understand now what a miracle our daughter is because of our infertility. We hug her a little tighter each night, we have found more patience for those toddler tantrums, and we understand what a beautiful gift each child truly is. We have even learned to be thankful for our infertility, which has brought us to the amazing gift of adoption.

Mark 6:38, 41 “How many loaves do you have?” he asked. “Go and see.” 
When they found out, they said, ‘Five–and two fish.’ Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for all the incredible blessings in my life. Please take what I have and make it yours as I wait for a child in your timing.